Hi JD! I found your storybook very interesting and creative! By the time I got to the end I was really interested to read the "stories of truth… stories of evil… stories of deceit…[and] stories of madness." Your introduction was very captivating towards the end because of the way you built up what was to come of the stories. The only thing I think you should change is when the doctor is talking I think you should probably put quotations around his words just to be safe! And just for fun you could put a picture with your introduction because that makes it a little more fun to read (and I just really like pictures)! I think your layout is great, it is not complicated or hard to read. It is very clean and straight forward. I thought your last sentence was a smart move because it is like a little teaser to what is coming up. Good job with your cover page and introduction. I really look forward to reading more of your storybook later when it is finished! Good luck!
Hello, JD. I really enjoyed your storybook! When I first got to the homepage, I was really impressed with the stylistic choices. The blue titled background is perfect for a sci fi story story with clear inspiration from Doctor Who. The font definitely fits in this as well; the sharp edged all capitalized text is reminiscent of science fiction. One thing though, is that the picture of the Tardis on the home page is somewhat small. I'm not sure if a larger image of this is available, but if you could find one, I think it would offer an improvement to your home page.
The introduction into your stories was clever and very creative. I really enjoy the idea of using the Doctor to relay the tales you plan to tell. He seems witty and funny already! The line "Don’t you think it a bit odd to have a show about teenagers that is only watched by adults?" made me laugh. The dialogue was done very well, it seems like it is the Doctor himself talking. I can't wait to read about the youngster in love in the deep dark space on the planet Exxilon! Good luck on the next tale.
I am not at all surprised that you chose a “Dr. Who” theme for your website! It reminds me of the time that you found the Tardis when we were in London while we waited in that sketchy tube station. I really like the “look” of your website. The colors look great together and aesthetically, I think it is laid out very nicely. I also liked that you included a picture of the Tardis on the cover page because I forgot exactly what it looked like!
Your introduction was such a fun read! I loved that it was like a television show, as it made it such a fun story to read. I have never seen any of the Doctor Who episodes but from what I gather, it is filled with witty dialogue. Your introduction is the same and it was very interesting.
The introduction to your storybook makes me want to keep reading, as I want to know what type of stories the Doctor will tell. My friends that watch Dr. Who tell me that it is their favorite show and they were really jealous when they heard about this blog. Can’t wait to read your stories!
The second I saw ‘The Doctor’ in your title I thought, “No… it couldn’t be THE Doctor could it?” but it was!!! I LOVE Doctor Who and just from reading your introduction I felt like I was watching David Tennant sitting and chatting about rebellious teenagers! Well, Tennant or Eccleston, I feel that either could work in that situation. I am so excited to read your stories, I don’t know if I can quite describe my excitement. I love how The Doctor points out how weird it is that the adults are watching a show about teenagers. It just cracks me up! You captured the Doctor’s personality so perfectly!
When I read your title, ‘The Doctor and his Rebels’, it made me think of The Doctor and his companions! Which I found even more appropriate when The Doctor started talking about the teenagers he had seen in his travels because, to The Doctor, all of his companions were like teenagers! When you are one thousand plus years old, everyone is young and reckless! From all of the stories I have read through today, I can easily say I am most excited about reading your stories as they come! Go Whovians!
Great storybook! I really enjoyed reading your introduction and story posted there. In terms of layout and theme, I think your colors are very fitting for your topic. However, I'm confused on the coverpage's image.. What is a TARDIS? Maybe that's just my ignorance but I was a little confused on how that fit into the story. Your introduction definitely got my attention! It was creative and original and I really enjoyed reading it. One thing I might suggest is to clarify who is speaking... Is it always the doctor? Or is there host? At times I was confused about who was speaking and to whom. However, your use of ellipses and dramatic pauses is great! I loved how you incorporated unruly teenagers into your stories. I think the introduction was a great way to start out. I really enjoyed reading your first story about Aladdin. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that I've never read or seen a version other than Disney, so it was interesting to hear about how events played out according to these tales. I liked how you focused on Aladdin and the Sultan's daughter, which really zones in on your theme and a rebellious teenager. I think you did a great job of telling the story to make it interesting and entertaining. Thank you for sharing!
I get it’s an episode but is this interview-style? Also, you just switched the person who is talking without any indication of what happened. It was just suddenly the doctor speaking, so a couple of words to note the change of speaker would be nice. The introduction does a wonderful job (though it’s missing a photo) but whovians like me will want to know which doctor it is. Every incarnation talks differently and focuses on different things so it will affect your storytelling later on. You could probably just have the photo be the doctor you mean and that’ll explain it easy. If you need to cheat a bit, find a photo of the actor doing an interview - they’re generally not held by copyright and it’ll help add to the show aesthetic you’re going for.
Nice integration of the Who world and the fairy tale, makes it a lot more believable. You did a fantastic job of integrating your themes, as you basically told the tale of Aladdin as if it were a Doctor Who episode. You kept the spirit of the show while still telling the story without compromising anything from it - very artfully done.
Hey JD! First off, I love the color scheme that you have chosen for your google sites storybook page! Although I know absolutely nothing about Doctor Who, my roommate is a very avidly devoted fan of the show, so I am interested to see how you will incorporate this theme into mythology.
I like that for your introduction you have chosen a talk show format to introduce The Doctor. I also love your opening line about the rebellious teenagers and the fact that you are planning to use The Doctor as the means for introducing these wild kids. I think that it is interesting that you plan to tell these tales in a way that shows the mistakes these teenagers make and the consequences that follow, but still hold them in a positive light of only making a mistake and not simply being a bad person. I like that you are planning on placing an emphasis on passion and learning processes rather than evil!
Having read the Aladdin story earlier in the semester, I really enjoyed your twist to the story. Aladdin knew what he wanted and was going to stop at nothing to follow his heart and be with the princess!
Hi, JD! First off, I'm a big whovian. When I saw the title of your storybook, I was hoping it was THE Doctor and not like, a medical doctor. As soon I saw the TARDIS on your cover page I got very excited. I love Doctor Who, and your idea to have him hosting a show about rebellious teenagers is great. Especially since the Doctor was rebellious himself (stealing a TARDIS to run away in didn’t make him Timelord-of-the-year to most people on Gallifrey.)
I loved your introduction. The voice sounded as the Doctor would. I loved how he got off track a couple of times, and the mentioning of the TARDIS disappearing for a couple of days was great. It really set the stage for why the Doctor was there and what he wanted to do. I also liked your first story. It’s a really interesting idea to have the story of Aladdin but moving it to an alien planet. I would have enjoyed a little more descriptions, but I liked the story overall. I also liked that you gave the Doctor a reason to be there, by adding the line about him helping the Sultan take out a cybermen colony. I thought your whole idea was very clever and I think you have begun your storybook very well. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hey JD, I just wanted to say thank you for the comment that you left on my story for week 4. It is always nice to positive comments on my stories. I can sometimes be too critical on myself when I write my stories.
I really enjoyed reading through your storybook project! I like that you took a complex story with several moving parts and just really honed in on one particular segment of the plot. I thought you did a really nice job of taking that one event and elaborating on it and making it your own story! Considering I did not read the unit over Aladdin and the Arabian Nights, your author’s note was very helpful. Otherwise, I would not have known about all the work you put into editing out plot points from the original story!
As far as your cover page goes, I really like the background you chose for your storybook project; it is simple yet provides necessary color to the page. I also think the picture of the police booth is really cool. I was a little confused about what the TARDIS was. But I visited the link you provided that had more information, and that put things into perspective!
Also, I really liked your introduction. The dialogue provided insight into the Doctor’s personality, which I find very intriguing! Additionally, I thought you set the stage nicely for your first story. I am curious to read more of your stories!
JD When I first read the title of your Storybook, I thought it might have had something to do with Dr. Who. Then I saw the picture of a phone booth on your welcome page, and my suspicions were confirmed. I don’t know much about Dr. Who. I have never tried watching the show, so I won’t have any prior knowledge going into your Storybook. At least you know that any feedback I may give will be unbiased to my feelings of the show, since I have none as of yet. I thought it was funny in your Introduction that only old people came to see a show about the world’s worst teenagers. Old people are always characterized as being bitter and angry towards the youth, and you captured that nicely in that small little comment. I liked the opinion that the Doctor had on the teenagers, though. While they may break a few rules, they are finding their passion and that should be celebrated. I had never read the original story of Aladdin, so I was surprised how different it was from the Disney version. The only suggestion I would have is to change the last line of your introduction. After reading the story, it seems less like a youngster looking for love and more like a youngster looking for treasure who happens to find love on the way.
I really like the theme you’ve chosen for your storybook because it gives you a pretty much infinite amount of possibilities as far as stories you can pick to tell. Since your storyteller has been pretty much everywhere, you get to pick a story from everywhere! I think the introduction does a very good job of introducing the storyteller and giving him a personality that you can carry on throughout the stories. Although I’ve never seen Dr. Who, I understand the premise and you still gave enough information for people who don’t know about the show to understand. Your page looks well laid out and I really like the checkerboard background.
Your first story was a very fun read as well. Once again you did an excellent job of putting a spin on the story to make the personality of the storyteller come through. I actually read this unit and I’m very impressed at how you kept the premise of the story the same yet molded it to your own setting and storyteller at the same time. You turned two stories into one and it made for a very enjoyable read! Better yet, your author’s note clears up any confusion that there could be between the two stories being combined. Well done!
I love love love your storybook theme! It is a great idea to use Dr. Who as your theme and I am almost literally kicking myself in the butt for not thinking of that. So... kudos on that respect. I really like how you introduced the characters to us, as if we were watching a television show. Very nice touch!
I think you did an excellent job with your first story. I could really see your personal writing style throughout the essay and it was great!
I hope you keep up the excellent work and good Job!
I really like the theme of your storybook. I am a big fan of the Dr. Who series and was just delighted to see that you had incorporated it into your stories. The concept of Dr. Who fits really well into the whole idea of the storybook that we are supposed to do. You can hop from story to story using the tardis easily. I think that you captured the smug yet sincere personality of the Doctor quite well in your introduction. Your color scheme also goes great with the colors that you normally see associated with Dr. Who.
It was nice to see the original story of Aladdin. I have always been curious to see how the story differs from that of the movie that Disney created. I think that you did an excellent job focusing on what you wanted the reader to learn after reading the story. I have really enjoyed this storybook so far and excited to see the rest of it.
I chose you as my random pick for this week because I wanted to see the progress you have made on your storybook! Your original idea was really cool so I wanted to come see what all you have done so far. The last thing I read was your introduction so I was excited to read the rest of your stories that you have added since then.
Your first story of Aladdin was really great! I loved that you meshed two different stories together with your frame story and then the story of Aladdin. It was interesting reading that story from a different point of view and I really enjoyed it. I thought your use of imagery and fun language of the Doctor were really great as well. I am excited to read the future adventures of the Doctor!
JD, even before I saw your coverpage or read a single one of your stories, I was intrigued. Your title alone had my strangely curious about what tales your storybook would include and what the theme would be. I was also curious to know what reading unit(s) influenced your choice.
Now, having seen the police box on your coverpage, I’m even MORE curious. What am I going to be reading about? HUH???
Ah, so you’re a fan of Dr. Who, are ya? I enjoyed your introduction a lot. I also loved how our introducer says that just because some acts appear rebellious, that doesn’t mean they are intentionally rebellious. Sometimes, as they say, bad things start with the best of intentions.
I also chose to read your second story, “The Brothers Moon.” When I got to that story, the picture you have caught my attention immediately and I was delighted to find that I would be reading a Native American story with twists and turns like those from Dr. Who.
In your Author’s Note, you mention that you think you might have overdone the twists from Dr. Who (TARDIS, etc.), but I don’t think you did at all. To send the witch into an exile that travels through an endless maze of wormholes was a BRILLIANT way to make the story your own and to introduce some “Dr. Who-ness.” I enjoyed reading your storybook, JD. Keep up the great work!
I absolutely love your idea for a storybook. When you base something off of a show or character you already know, it can make it a lot easier to write. I love all of your pictures, they really set the tone quite nicely.
I loved your first story of Aladdin. The disney movie has always been one of my favorites. I have never read the original, but it was cool to have two genies. I would have to say that hitting someone on the head and kidnapping a girl is very rebellious.
In your second story, I think it is weird that they were punished for trying to protect their people from any creature that tried to hurt them. I have to agree with the brothers and say that they were heros all along.
I have never really had the time to be able to become a Doctor Who fan. I have always known that if I tried I would become completely obsessed and not stop till I completely catch up. Lets face it that is a ton of tv. However, I really enjoyed every bit of your storybook. I hope I have a chance to check on it later this semester.
Your introduction was very clever! I have only watched Dr. Who a few times but understood the premise of what you were trying to capture. The only thing I was confused on was the whole Teenage show aspect. I understand the show will document the stories of the teenagers that you will discuss in each of your individual stories. But, I was confused as to whether to Dr. was supposed to be a teenager or not… Or if he was just a guest host on the show for the Rebellious Teenagers Edition! It could be helpful to clear that up a bit. But other than that, I thoroughly liked your approach to the storybook. You set it up perfectly in having the doctor give you a little preview of some of the things he has seen on his travels and how those stories will be present in your retelling.
I focused on the Brothers Moon story this week. I loved the first paragraph introduction. It really sets the stage for the story and gets the reader hooked right from the beginning. You might revisit where there should be commas placed throughout the phrases because I am not sure but I think a few might be missing. But it does not hinder the reader in understanding the sentences. In the next paragraph, I think the phrase “such as myself” should be set off in commas. It might be helpful to explain what the TARDIS is. I was still able to understand the gist from context clues but it would be nice to know specifically what Dr. Who is referring to. I think you did a great job having Dr. Who be the narrator. After reading the Author’s note, I can see how you adapted the story and the creativity you had with the story was great! I am glad you decided to focus less on the murder of the mother by the Red Woman and focus more on the two boys and their adventures. I really enjoyed your version of the story!
I love the Doctor, which is why I chose to read your storybook, but I’m not sure how I feel about your introduction. It was horribly confusing and I think part of the confusion came from me not realizing what your real storybook topic was. Upon first reading your title, I thought it would be an adventure story where the doctor is with his rebels (which could be what your stories are actually like) but then the introduction was some weird TV show? It was so weird and I don’t know what you gain by doing it this way (I also feel like the show title should have been your storybook title then). Anyway, I only read your introduction this week, but there are some things you should do to clean it up a bit. Name your original narrator for one, that way the transition from them to the Doctor is less confusing. Next, use quotation marks. I was so confused by the long spiels of dialogue from the Doctor because I had no idea if it was actually dialogue or not because of the lack of quotation marks. I also wasn’t really sure if the Doctor was on the telly or what. It was just very confusing, and I wish it hadn’t been my first impression of your storybook.
Let me just start off by saying that I absolutely love your theme! Doctor Who is one of my family's favorite shows. We would all get together and watch it whenever we had the chance. We also watched a lot of Top Gear, but Doctor Who was always my Mom's favorite, so you know how that goes haha. Anyways, I think the Doctor is a great choice for a narrator, because he can literally go to anytime and anywhere. From your Introduction though, it looks like you're not going to have the Doctor meet the actual characters of the myths, but instead you're re-writing the stories as taking place on different planets. I think this idea is fantastic, and it will allow you to be really creative and original! I was super excited to read your first story! Also, I liked your color scheme. It was really simple and effective.
Aladdin is one of my favorite Disney movies, and I really like the way you told it. At their core, most stories are just about a boy doing dumb things for a girl haha. Your writing had me really interested in the story, even though I knew the ending. This is a great story book man! Keep it up!
Last time I came to read your storybook only the introduction was completed, so I was excited to see what you had done with the new stories that you added. I wondered last time what story the youngster looking for love on the planet Exxilon could possibly be based on from the mythology and folklore stories. I was thrilled to see this story was based on one that I was familiar with: the tale of Aladdin! It was very creative how you managed to fit this classic story into a futuristic Dr. Who atmosphere. I was very impressed with your writing throughout the story of Aladdin, but I think the most impressive thing of all was the speech and vernacular of the narrator. The dialogue really felt as if it was really coming from the character, and you totally nailed the clever, kind of quirky personality that is Dr. Who. When he was talking about the jewels that Aladdin came across in the cave, the line "some of the jewels were even shaped like chubby babies" caught me off guard a little bit and really made me laugh! Aladdin is certainly brave (or perhaps just crazy) taking away the Sultan's daughter on her wedding night!
The last time that I read your storybook only the first story was complete. When I looked at your storybook this time, I feel like there is something up with the navigation. I think that the last story that you have included (Alice in the Planet Wonderland) was created in the wrong way. I am not sure if you intended this or not.
I will be commenting on your second story, The Brothers Moon.
I liked how you included a bit about the narrator. I was glad to see that you develop the character of the narrator by showing the emotional response to what the Red Woman had said to him. I feel like this story is a bit short. The story of the two brothers seems like there isn't much time spent developing it.
It would have been nice if you included a retelling, or even creating a story based off of one of their exploits. It sounds like there are a couple of stories that have been told about the brothers exploits. Overall I think that your storybook is really good. It was good enough for me to come back and look at how it was progressing. Keep up the good work!
Hey JD, I thought your theme was very interesting and I have seen a few episodes of Dr. Who so I thought I might enjoy it and I was right! Your introduction was well written and thought it was funny that his time machine was "on its way" so to speak. I thought your idea that most teens are not evil but simply misguided was an interesting point. Many times, young people who rebel have various reasons for doing so, many of which are not malicious. I liked the picture that you used and thought it was fitting to show the main character.
For the story of Aladdin, I was a little confused as to how it all fit together until I read your author's note. One thing you could do would be to have a mini-introduction at the beginning of each story. Other than that, I really liked the story and the picture of the lamp.
For the story of the Brothers Moon, you have included a miniature introduction which I think will serve the story well. I have read the story that your retelling is based on and I thought you did a good job. The boys rebelled against their parents but always succeeded in defeating everything that scared their village. Good job!
Hi JD!
ReplyDeleteI found your storybook very interesting and creative! By the time I got to the end I was really interested to read the "stories of truth… stories of evil… stories of deceit…[and] stories of madness." Your introduction was very captivating towards the end because of the way you built up what was to come of the stories. The only thing I think you should change is when the doctor is talking I think you should probably put quotations around his words just to be safe! And just for fun you could put a picture with your introduction because that makes it a little more fun to read (and I just really like pictures)! I think your layout is great, it is not complicated or hard to read. It is very clean and straight forward. I thought your last sentence was a smart move because it is like a little teaser to what is coming up. Good job with your cover page and introduction. I really look forward to reading more of your storybook later when it is finished! Good luck!
Hello, JD. I really enjoyed your storybook! When I first got to the homepage, I was really impressed with the stylistic choices. The blue titled background is perfect for a sci fi story story with clear inspiration from Doctor Who. The font definitely fits in this as well; the sharp edged all capitalized text is reminiscent of science fiction. One thing though, is that the picture of the Tardis on the home page is somewhat small. I'm not sure if a larger image of this is available, but if you could find one, I think it would offer an improvement to your home page.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction into your stories was clever and very creative. I really enjoy the idea of using the Doctor to relay the tales you plan to tell. He seems witty and funny already! The line "Don’t you think it a bit odd to have a show about teenagers that is only watched by adults?" made me laugh. The dialogue was done very well, it seems like it is the Doctor himself talking. I can't wait to read about the youngster in love in the deep dark space on the planet Exxilon! Good luck on the next tale.
JD,
ReplyDeleteI am not at all surprised that you chose a “Dr. Who” theme for your website! It reminds me of the time that you found the Tardis when we were in London while we waited in that sketchy tube station. I really like the “look” of your website. The colors look great together and aesthetically, I think it is laid out very nicely. I also liked that you included a picture of the Tardis on the cover page because I forgot exactly what it looked like!
Your introduction was such a fun read! I loved that it was like a television show, as it made it such a fun story to read. I have never seen any of the Doctor Who episodes but from what I gather, it is filled with witty dialogue. Your introduction is the same and it was very interesting.
The introduction to your storybook makes me want to keep reading, as I want to know what type of stories the Doctor will tell. My friends that watch Dr. Who tell me that it is their favorite show and they were really jealous when they heard about this blog. Can’t wait to read your stories!
The second I saw ‘The Doctor’ in your title I thought, “No… it couldn’t be THE Doctor could it?” but it was!!! I LOVE Doctor Who and just from reading your introduction I felt like I was watching David Tennant sitting and chatting about rebellious teenagers! Well, Tennant or Eccleston, I feel that either could work in that situation. I am so excited to read your stories, I don’t know if I can quite describe my excitement. I love how The Doctor points out how weird it is that the adults are watching a show about teenagers. It just cracks me up! You captured the Doctor’s personality so perfectly!
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your title, ‘The Doctor and his Rebels’, it made me think of The Doctor and his companions! Which I found even more appropriate when The Doctor started talking about the teenagers he had seen in his travels because, to The Doctor, all of his companions were like teenagers! When you are one thousand plus years old, everyone is young and reckless! From all of the stories I have read through today, I can easily say I am most excited about reading your stories as they come! Go Whovians!
Great storybook! I really enjoyed reading your introduction and story posted there. In terms of layout and theme, I think your colors are very fitting for your topic. However, I'm confused on the coverpage's image.. What is a TARDIS? Maybe that's just my ignorance but I was a little confused on how that fit into the story. Your introduction definitely got my attention! It was creative and original and I really enjoyed reading it. One thing I might suggest is to clarify who is speaking... Is it always the doctor? Or is there host? At times I was confused about who was speaking and to whom. However, your use of ellipses and dramatic pauses is great! I loved how you incorporated unruly teenagers into your stories. I think the introduction was a great way to start out. I really enjoyed reading your first story about Aladdin. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that I've never read or seen a version other than Disney, so it was interesting to hear about how events played out according to these tales. I liked how you focused on Aladdin and the Sultan's daughter, which really zones in on your theme and a rebellious teenager. I think you did a great job of telling the story to make it interesting and entertaining. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThe Doctor! Very nice :D
ReplyDeleteI get it’s an episode but is this interview-style? Also, you just switched the person who is talking without any indication of what happened. It was just suddenly the doctor speaking, so a couple of words to note the change of speaker would be nice. The introduction does a wonderful job (though it’s missing a photo) but whovians like me will want to know which doctor it is. Every incarnation talks differently and focuses on different things so it will affect your storytelling later on. You could probably just have the photo be the doctor you mean and that’ll explain it easy. If you need to cheat a bit, find a photo of the actor doing an interview - they’re generally not held by copyright and it’ll help add to the show aesthetic you’re going for.
Nice integration of the Who world and the fairy tale, makes it a lot more believable. You did a fantastic job of integrating your themes, as you basically told the tale of Aladdin as if it were a Doctor Who episode. You kept the spirit of the show while still telling the story without compromising anything from it - very artfully done.
Hey JD! First off, I love the color scheme that you have chosen for your google sites storybook page! Although I know absolutely nothing about Doctor Who, my roommate is a very avidly devoted fan of the show, so I am interested to see how you will incorporate this theme into mythology.
ReplyDeleteI like that for your introduction you have chosen a talk show format to introduce The Doctor. I also love your opening line about the rebellious teenagers and the fact that you are planning to use The Doctor as the means for introducing these wild kids. I think that it is interesting that you plan to tell these tales in a way that shows the mistakes these teenagers make and the consequences that follow, but still hold them in a positive light of only making a mistake and not simply being a bad person. I like that you are planning on placing an emphasis on passion and learning processes rather than evil!
Having read the Aladdin story earlier in the semester, I really enjoyed your twist to the story. Aladdin knew what he wanted and was going to stop at nothing to follow his heart and be with the princess!
Wonderful job!
Hi, JD! First off, I'm a big whovian. When I saw the title of your storybook, I was hoping it was THE Doctor and not like, a medical doctor. As soon I saw the TARDIS on your cover page I got very excited. I love Doctor Who, and your idea to have him hosting a show about rebellious teenagers is great. Especially since the Doctor was rebellious himself (stealing a TARDIS to run away in didn’t make him Timelord-of-the-year to most people on Gallifrey.)
ReplyDeleteI loved your introduction. The voice sounded as the Doctor would. I loved how he got off track a couple of times, and the mentioning of the TARDIS disappearing for a couple of days was great. It really set the stage for why the Doctor was there and what he wanted to do. I also liked your first story. It’s a really interesting idea to have the story of Aladdin but moving it to an alien planet. I would have enjoyed a little more descriptions, but I liked the story overall. I also liked that you gave the Doctor a reason to be there, by adding the line about him helping the Sultan take out a cybermen colony. I thought your whole idea was very clever and I think you have begun your storybook very well. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hey JD, I just wanted to say thank you for the comment that you left on my story for week 4. It is always nice to positive comments on my stories. I can sometimes be too critical on myself when I write my stories.
ReplyDeleteHi JD,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading through your storybook project! I like that you took a complex story with several moving parts and just really honed in on one particular segment of the plot. I thought you did a really nice job of taking that one event and elaborating on it and making it your own story! Considering I did not read the unit over Aladdin and the Arabian Nights, your author’s note was very helpful. Otherwise, I would not have known about all the work you put into editing out plot points from the original story!
As far as your cover page goes, I really like the background you chose for your storybook project; it is simple yet provides necessary color to the page. I also think the picture of the police booth is really cool. I was a little confused about what the TARDIS was. But I visited the link you provided that had more information, and that put things into perspective!
Also, I really liked your introduction. The dialogue provided insight into the Doctor’s personality, which I find very intriguing! Additionally, I thought you set the stage nicely for your first story. I am curious to read more of your stories!
JD
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read the title of your Storybook, I thought it might have had something to do with Dr. Who. Then I saw the picture of a phone booth on your welcome page, and my suspicions were confirmed. I don’t know much about Dr. Who. I have never tried watching the show, so I won’t have any prior knowledge going into your Storybook. At least you know that any feedback I may give will be unbiased to my feelings of the show, since I have none as of yet.
I thought it was funny in your Introduction that only old people came to see a show about the world’s worst teenagers. Old people are always characterized as being bitter and angry towards the youth, and you captured that nicely in that small little comment. I liked the opinion that the Doctor had on the teenagers, though. While they may break a few rules, they are finding their passion and that should be celebrated.
I had never read the original story of Aladdin, so I was surprised how different it was from the Disney version. The only suggestion I would have is to change the last line of your introduction. After reading the story, it seems less like a youngster looking for love and more like a youngster looking for treasure who happens to find love on the way.
JD,
ReplyDeleteI really like the theme you’ve chosen for your storybook because it gives you a pretty much infinite amount of possibilities as far as stories you can pick to tell. Since your storyteller has been pretty much everywhere, you get to pick a story from everywhere! I think the introduction does a very good job of introducing the storyteller and giving him a personality that you can carry on throughout the stories. Although I’ve never seen Dr. Who, I understand the premise and you still gave enough information for people who don’t know about the show to understand. Your page looks well laid out and I really like the checkerboard background.
Your first story was a very fun read as well. Once again you did an excellent job of putting a spin on the story to make the personality of the storyteller come through. I actually read this unit and I’m very impressed at how you kept the premise of the story the same yet molded it to your own setting and storyteller at the same time. You turned two stories into one and it made for a very enjoyable read! Better yet, your author’s note clears up any confusion that there could be between the two stories being combined. Well done!
Awesome-Sauce JD,
ReplyDeleteI love love love your storybook theme! It is a great idea to use Dr. Who as your theme and I am almost literally kicking myself in the butt for not thinking of that. So... kudos on that respect. I really like how you introduced the characters to us, as if we were watching a television show. Very nice touch!
I think you did an excellent job with your first story. I could really see your personal writing style throughout the essay and it was great!
I hope you keep up the excellent work and good Job!
Hey JD,
ReplyDeleteI really like the theme of your storybook. I am a big fan of the Dr. Who series and was just delighted to see that you had incorporated it into your stories. The concept of Dr. Who fits really well into the whole idea of the storybook that we are supposed to do. You can hop from story to story using the tardis easily. I think that you captured the smug yet sincere personality of the Doctor quite well in your introduction. Your color scheme also goes great with the colors that you normally see associated with Dr. Who.
It was nice to see the original story of Aladdin. I have always been curious to see how the story differs from that of the movie that Disney created. I think that you did an excellent job focusing on what you wanted the reader to learn after reading the story. I have really enjoyed this storybook so far and excited to see the rest of it.
JD,
ReplyDeleteI chose you as my random pick for this week because I wanted to see the progress you have made on your storybook! Your original idea was really cool so I wanted to come see what all you have done so far. The last thing I read was your introduction so I was excited to read the rest of your stories that you have added since then.
Your first story of Aladdin was really great! I loved that you meshed two different stories together with your frame story and then the story of Aladdin. It was interesting reading that story from a different point of view and I really enjoyed it. I thought your use of imagery and fun language of the Doctor were really great as well. I am excited to read the future adventures of the Doctor!
JD, even before I saw your coverpage or read a single one of your stories, I was intrigued. Your title alone had my strangely curious about what tales your storybook would include and what the theme would be. I was also curious to know what reading unit(s) influenced your choice.
ReplyDeleteNow, having seen the police box on your coverpage, I’m even MORE curious. What am I going to be reading about? HUH???
Ah, so you’re a fan of Dr. Who, are ya? I enjoyed your introduction a lot. I also loved how our introducer says that just because some acts appear rebellious, that doesn’t mean they are intentionally rebellious. Sometimes, as they say, bad things start with the best of intentions.
I also chose to read your second story, “The Brothers Moon.” When I got to that story, the picture you have caught my attention immediately and I was delighted to find that I would be reading a Native American story with twists and turns like those from Dr. Who.
In your Author’s Note, you mention that you think you might have overdone the twists from Dr. Who (TARDIS, etc.), but I don’t think you did at all. To send the witch into an exile that travels through an endless maze of wormholes was a BRILLIANT way to make the story your own and to introduce some “Dr. Who-ness.” I enjoyed reading your storybook, JD. Keep up the great work!
JD,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your idea for a storybook. When you base something off of a show or character you already know, it can make it a lot easier to write. I love all of your pictures, they really set the tone quite nicely.
I loved your first story of Aladdin. The disney movie has always been one of my favorites. I have never read the original, but it was cool to have two genies. I would have to say that hitting someone on the head and kidnapping a girl is very rebellious.
In your second story, I think it is weird that they were punished for trying to protect their people from any creature that tried to hurt them. I have to agree with the brothers and say that they were heros all along.
I have never really had the time to be able to become a Doctor Who fan. I have always known that if I tried I would become completely obsessed and not stop till I completely catch up. Lets face it that is a ton of tv. However, I really enjoyed every bit of your storybook. I hope I have a chance to check on it later this semester.
Your introduction was very clever! I have only watched Dr. Who a few times but understood the premise of what you were trying to capture. The only thing I was confused on was the whole Teenage show aspect. I understand the show will document the stories of the teenagers that you will discuss in each of your individual stories. But, I was confused as to whether to Dr. was supposed to be a teenager or not… Or if he was just a guest host on the show for the Rebellious Teenagers Edition! It could be helpful to clear that up a bit. But other than that, I thoroughly liked your approach to the storybook. You set it up perfectly in having the doctor give you a little preview of some of the things he has seen on his travels and how those stories will be present in your retelling.
ReplyDeleteI focused on the Brothers Moon story this week. I loved the first paragraph introduction. It really sets the stage for the story and gets the reader hooked right from the beginning. You might revisit where there should be commas placed throughout the phrases because I am not sure but I think a few might be missing. But it does not hinder the reader in understanding the sentences. In the next paragraph, I think the phrase “such as myself” should be set off in commas. It might be helpful to explain what the TARDIS is. I was still able to understand the gist from context clues but it would be nice to know specifically what Dr. Who is referring to. I think you did a great job having Dr. Who be the narrator. After reading the Author’s note, I can see how you adapted the story and the creativity you had with the story was great! I am glad you decided to focus less on the murder of the mother by the Red Woman and focus more on the two boys and their adventures. I really enjoyed your version of the story!
I love the Doctor, which is why I chose to read your storybook, but I’m not sure how I feel about your introduction. It was horribly confusing and I think part of the confusion came from me not realizing what your real storybook topic was. Upon first reading your title, I thought it would be an adventure story where the doctor is with his rebels (which could be what your stories are actually like) but then the introduction was some weird TV show? It was so weird and I don’t know what you gain by doing it this way (I also feel like the show title should have been your storybook title then). Anyway, I only read your introduction this week, but there are some things you should do to clean it up a bit. Name your original narrator for one, that way the transition from them to the Doctor is less confusing. Next, use quotation marks. I was so confused by the long spiels of dialogue from the Doctor because I had no idea if it was actually dialogue or not because of the lack of quotation marks. I also wasn’t really sure if the Doctor was on the telly or what. It was just very confusing, and I wish it hadn’t been my first impression of your storybook.
ReplyDeleteHey JD,
ReplyDeleteLet me just start off by saying that I absolutely love your theme! Doctor Who is one of my family's favorite shows. We would all get together and watch it whenever we had the chance. We also watched a lot of Top Gear, but Doctor Who was always my Mom's favorite, so you know how that goes haha. Anyways, I think the Doctor is a great choice for a narrator, because he can literally go to anytime and anywhere. From your Introduction though, it looks like you're not going to have the Doctor meet the actual characters of the myths, but instead you're re-writing the stories as taking place on different planets. I think this idea is fantastic, and it will allow you to be really creative and original! I was super excited to read your first story! Also, I liked your color scheme. It was really simple and effective.
Aladdin is one of my favorite Disney movies, and I really like the way you told it. At their core, most stories are just about a boy doing dumb things for a girl haha. Your writing had me really interested in the story, even though I knew the ending. This is a great story book man! Keep it up!
Hey JD!
ReplyDeleteLast time I came to read your storybook only the introduction was completed, so I was excited to see what you had done with the new stories that you added. I wondered last time what story the youngster looking for love on the planet Exxilon could possibly be based on from the mythology and folklore stories. I was thrilled to see this story was based on one that I was familiar with: the tale of Aladdin! It was very creative how you managed to fit this classic story into a futuristic Dr. Who atmosphere. I was very impressed with your writing throughout the story of Aladdin, but I think the most impressive thing of all was the speech and vernacular of the narrator. The dialogue really felt as if it was really coming from the character, and you totally nailed the clever, kind of quirky personality that is Dr. Who. When he was talking about the jewels that Aladdin came across in the cave, the line "some of the jewels were even shaped like chubby babies" caught me off guard a little bit and really made me laugh! Aladdin is certainly brave (or perhaps just crazy) taking away the Sultan's daughter on her wedding night!
Hey JD,
ReplyDeleteThe last time that I read your storybook only the first story was complete. When I looked at your storybook this time, I feel like there is something up with the navigation. I think that the last story that you have included (Alice in the Planet Wonderland) was created in the wrong way. I am not sure if you intended this or not.
I will be commenting on your second story, The Brothers Moon.
I liked how you included a bit about the narrator. I was glad to see that you develop the character of the narrator by showing the emotional response to what the Red Woman had said to him. I feel like this story is a bit short. The story of the two brothers seems like there isn't much time spent developing it.
It would have been nice if you included a retelling, or even creating a story based off of one of their exploits. It sounds like there are a couple of stories that have been told about the brothers exploits. Overall I think that your storybook is really good. It was good enough for me to come back and look at how it was progressing. Keep up the good work!
Hey JD, I thought your theme was very interesting and I have seen a few episodes of Dr. Who so I thought I might enjoy it and I was right! Your introduction was well written and thought it was funny that his time machine was "on its way" so to speak. I thought your idea that most teens are not evil but simply misguided was an interesting point. Many times, young people who rebel have various reasons for doing so, many of which are not malicious. I liked the picture that you used and thought it was fitting to show the main character.
ReplyDeleteFor the story of Aladdin, I was a little confused as to how it all fit together until I read your author's note. One thing you could do would be to have a mini-introduction at the beginning of each story. Other than that, I really liked the story and the picture of the lamp.
For the story of the Brothers Moon, you have included a miniature introduction which I think will serve the story well. I have read the story that your retelling is based on and I thought you did a good job. The boys rebelled against their parents but always succeeded in defeating everything that scared their village. Good job!